Concept of Friends
Friends partner, pick-up, persevere, & protect!
by Frank Sasso
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 - 9Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor; 10For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11Again, if two lie down together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone? 12And though a man might prevail against him who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.
As a man and woman of God, there are some important things to consider before making, keeping, or ending certain “friendships” in your life. There are “friends” you need to resolve and dissolve.
Here are some key points that a true friend will exemplify. Let’s look at these 4 verses in Ecclesiastes.
In Verse 9 it says “Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor…” Ok. So, first of all, Friends Partner. That’s an awesome thing. When you have a friend, a true friend, they will partner with you.
Verse 10: “For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” Secondly, Friends Pick-up. Friends don’t beat you when you’re down. Friends will pick you up.
Verse 11:“Again, if two lie down together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone?” Now, this verse is not justifying sleeping together, lol! It means that friends will help you through hard times. So, third, Friends Persevere. They may not always have the answer or the money, but they will be there to help you go through hard times. It’s easier to go through something with somebody than to go through it yourself.
Lastly, Verse 12 says: “And though a man might prevail against him who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” And lastly, Friends Protect.
So, there are 4 characteristics, concerning friends, to help you evaluate how to rate the relationships you have.
1. Friends Partner
2. Friends Pick-up
3. Friends Persevere
4. Friends Protect
Here are some things not to do. Here are some things that will break friendships up.
Proverbs 17:9 - He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends.
So, this “thing” happened and your “friend” just doesn’t let it go. Wouldn’t that bug you? Someone just "harping on a matter" and not letting it go? I heard someone say, “He that digs up dead bones loses many friends”. You don’t want to be associated with somebody who is constantly digging up your dead bones. Like, every time you look around, there they are bringing up stuff from the past. You could lose a good friend by just standing on the same old matter and “digging up dead bones”.
Imagine how you would feel going into prayer and the only thing God talks to you about is your past sins. All the time, there’s God just telling you, in prayer,“Y’know, you’re just good for nothing… What you did 20 years ago, you ought to be ashamed of yourself… All the angels saw you so, you can’t lie about it and we wrote it all down so we know what you did and you did it 5,467 more times AFTER you said you’d never do it again…” Then you finish praying, and someone says to you,“Whoa, what’s wrong with you?” You can then say, “Well, God had just spent the last hour "harping" on all of my sins."
That’s why I’m glad to have the friends I have because we don’t harp on each other’s sins. We hold each other accountable and we are both vulnerable to each other, but we talk about the Righteousness of God and how God has cast our sins into the sea of forgetfulness and how He remembers them no more and we just go on with our lives!
That’s why Jesus is a friend who sticks closer than any brother. He’s not digging up dead bones, constantly reminding you of what He’s delivered you out of.
So, that’s one way a friendship can be destroyed. Another way is Proverbs 16:28 - A froward (perverse) man sows strife, and a whisperer (gossiper) separates close friends.So, this guy will stir up dissention. He’ll stir up a spirit of non-unity. He’s always using you or someone else to call and stir up strife and gossip about somebody. Here’s a revelation I had. If someone is telling you something about somebody, what are they saying about you when you’re not around?
4 things to look for in a friend.
1. A friend will comfort and support you.
The last time you were in trouble, who showed up? Who were the ones that comforted and supported you? People can come up with all kinds of excuses why they didn’t call or visit you or why they didn’t or couldn’t do certain things, but a true friend will comfort and support you.
Job 2:11 - Now when Job's three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came each one from his own place.
Now, that’s a friend. They’re ready to comfort and support. Then the verse goes on to say: for they had made an appointment together to come to condole with him and to comfort him.
Not because we’re Christians should we be willing to do this, but because this is what friends will do. I don’t want to assume that you know how to carry yourself as a friend. If you are a friend, then when your friends go through something, it’s important for you, as a friend, to comfort and support them. It doesn’t take long to provide some comfort and support. We see Job’s friends doing it and as a friend, you be willing to do it.
2. A friend is devoted (crazy loyal) to you.
That’s what I mean when I say devoted. Crazy loyal. We use the word “loyal” a lot, but I don’t think we really understand what it means because to be loyal means that you are willing to change your plans to meet the needs of the person you’re loyal to. A friend that is loyal says, “I will lay my interests down so that I can provide the comfort and support that’s needed for the one that’s going through something.” Loyalty is a big word. It just can’t be demonstrated by you saying, “I’m loyal.” It’s demonstrated by the decisions you make and by your willingness to rearrange your plans in order to meet the needs of the people you’re loyal to.
Job 6:14 - To him who is about to faint and despair, kindness is due from his friend, lest he forsake the fear of the Almighty.
The fear of the Lord is to respect God with the willingness to obey. It’s amazing here when He says that when you have a friend that is about to faint and go into despair, that “kindness” is due from you, as a friend. Kindness is due from you as a friend to that person and when you show kindness, you show honor and respect to God.
My relationship with God is based on my relationship with you, my friend. I can’t say that I love God, in whom I’ve never seen, and say I don’t love you, my brother or sister, in whom I see every day or every week. And neither can you!
When you have somebody that you’re in a relationship with and they’re about to faint, kindness is now due from the person who’s the friend and if you don’t do this, you’re going against the fear of the Almighty. So, as a respect to God, as we operate in friendship, notice when your friends are about to faint; give up, cave in, or quit! Kindness is due when you see that! You can minister to God when you minister to your friend. When you show friendship to someone, you’re also showing it to God. That’s a powerful thing.
3. A friend loves you no matter the situation or what you’ve done.
People really don’t understand what real friendship is all about. It’s being there no matter what the situation and no matter what you have done. The very same standards you put on me and expect from me, as a friend, I expect from you. The very same thing you would expect from me and Christina, we expect from you. We’re not going to leave you. We don’t care what you’ve done, we’re not going to quit on you. We’re not going to leave. Jesus didn’t quit on me, I’m not quitting on you. The only thing all of us should quit doing is“shooting our wounded”. Most of the time when people fall is because they’re babies. That’s what babies do. Babies fall.
4. Friends speak constructively, not critically, even when it hurts.
The body of Christ has perfected phoniness. We’re surrounded by people who know how to be phony. The body needs some people who will look at each other, in the eyes, and be honest, not hurtful, but honest with each other. Be straight with each other and stop looking for someone who’s going to kiss you. Kisses are from an enemy.
Proverbs 27:6 - Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are lavish and deceitful.
Aren’t you tired of phony people? Aren’t you ready to see some real genuine people who are for real and who don’t cover up their issues with “spirituality” and act all fake and spooky around you? Can't even get a decent "Hello, How are you doing?" It just doesn’t happen. We get greeted by someone at church saying, “Hey! Praise the Lord! This is the day that the Lord has made... Yay!"Meanwhile, they’re seething with unforgiveness. They’ve been carrying oughts for the last 20 years. The body needs people that can look you in the face and say,“Brother, I love you but here’s your problem. You’re a terrible husband and a hypocrite and here’s why.” Wow! That’s a friend. I might be wounded, but at the end of the day, I’m going to call you a friend.
Christina said to her friend the other day, “Y’know ‘Sally’, it really hurts me when you do ‘such and such’.” After Christina told her that, “Sally” thanked Christina for being courageous enough to risk wounding her. She thanked Christina for being her friend. A few hours passed, and Christina got a phone call. It was “Sally” thanking her again for being straight with her. It actually strengthened their friendship.
Things have to be rearranged a little bit. You’ve been angry at the wrong people. Those people that God sent to you to be a part of your life, you don’t want them because you’re so busy trying to protect your own position. Whatever that might be. You’re more comfortable hiding behind phonies and you’re not growing. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it’s ok for someone to constantly tell you what’s wrong with you and harp on matters and never shut up about it. I’m not saying it’s right for a “friend” to continually demean you, make you feel like you’re not worthy, that you’ll never change, and that never offers any hope whatsoever, no. That’s not what I mean. That kind of thing is just not called for and just plain wrong. Don’t be a doormat. I know this may seem harsh, but faithful are the wounds of a friend.
I have come to the conclusion that friendships will fail without Jesus as the center friend. In every friendship you have, make sure that Jesus is the center friend. Sometime when I'm on the phone with my friend, Keith, we are constantly aware of the fact that Jesus is on the extension being a major part of our friendship. He sometimes even lends His voice to the conversation. So, no matter what the relationship is; a marriage, a friendship, between the two of you, there’s Jesus and you have to have more loyalty to Him and keeping up with His standards than anyone else.
Selah!
Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 - 9Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor; 10For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up! 11Again, if two lie down together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone? 12And though a man might prevail against him who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.
As a man and woman of God, there are some important things to consider before making, keeping, or ending certain “friendships” in your life. There are “friends” you need to resolve and dissolve.
Here are some key points that a true friend will exemplify. Let’s look at these 4 verses in Ecclesiastes.
In Verse 9 it says “Two are better than one, because they have a good [more satisfying] reward for their labor…” Ok. So, first of all, Friends Partner. That’s an awesome thing. When you have a friend, a true friend, they will partner with you.
Verse 10: “For if they fall, the one will lift up his fellow. But woe to him who is alone when he falls and has not another to lift him up!” Secondly, Friends Pick-up. Friends don’t beat you when you’re down. Friends will pick you up.
Verse 11:“Again, if two lie down together, then they have warmth; but how can one be warm alone?” Now, this verse is not justifying sleeping together, lol! It means that friends will help you through hard times. So, third, Friends Persevere. They may not always have the answer or the money, but they will be there to help you go through hard times. It’s easier to go through something with somebody than to go through it yourself.
Lastly, Verse 12 says: “And though a man might prevail against him who is alone, two will withstand him. A threefold cord is not quickly broken.” And lastly, Friends Protect.
So, there are 4 characteristics, concerning friends, to help you evaluate how to rate the relationships you have.
1. Friends Partner
2. Friends Pick-up
3. Friends Persevere
4. Friends Protect
Here are some things not to do. Here are some things that will break friendships up.
Proverbs 17:9 - He who covers and forgives an offense seeks love, but he who repeats or harps on a matter separates even close friends.
So, this “thing” happened and your “friend” just doesn’t let it go. Wouldn’t that bug you? Someone just "harping on a matter" and not letting it go? I heard someone say, “He that digs up dead bones loses many friends”. You don’t want to be associated with somebody who is constantly digging up your dead bones. Like, every time you look around, there they are bringing up stuff from the past. You could lose a good friend by just standing on the same old matter and “digging up dead bones”.
Imagine how you would feel going into prayer and the only thing God talks to you about is your past sins. All the time, there’s God just telling you, in prayer,“Y’know, you’re just good for nothing… What you did 20 years ago, you ought to be ashamed of yourself… All the angels saw you so, you can’t lie about it and we wrote it all down so we know what you did and you did it 5,467 more times AFTER you said you’d never do it again…” Then you finish praying, and someone says to you,“Whoa, what’s wrong with you?” You can then say, “Well, God had just spent the last hour "harping" on all of my sins."
That’s why I’m glad to have the friends I have because we don’t harp on each other’s sins. We hold each other accountable and we are both vulnerable to each other, but we talk about the Righteousness of God and how God has cast our sins into the sea of forgetfulness and how He remembers them no more and we just go on with our lives!
That’s why Jesus is a friend who sticks closer than any brother. He’s not digging up dead bones, constantly reminding you of what He’s delivered you out of.
So, that’s one way a friendship can be destroyed. Another way is Proverbs 16:28 - A froward (perverse) man sows strife, and a whisperer (gossiper) separates close friends.So, this guy will stir up dissention. He’ll stir up a spirit of non-unity. He’s always using you or someone else to call and stir up strife and gossip about somebody. Here’s a revelation I had. If someone is telling you something about somebody, what are they saying about you when you’re not around?
4 things to look for in a friend.
1. A friend will comfort and support you.
The last time you were in trouble, who showed up? Who were the ones that comforted and supported you? People can come up with all kinds of excuses why they didn’t call or visit you or why they didn’t or couldn’t do certain things, but a true friend will comfort and support you.
Job 2:11 - Now when Job's three friends heard of all this evil that was come upon him, they came each one from his own place.
Now, that’s a friend. They’re ready to comfort and support. Then the verse goes on to say: for they had made an appointment together to come to condole with him and to comfort him.
Not because we’re Christians should we be willing to do this, but because this is what friends will do. I don’t want to assume that you know how to carry yourself as a friend. If you are a friend, then when your friends go through something, it’s important for you, as a friend, to comfort and support them. It doesn’t take long to provide some comfort and support. We see Job’s friends doing it and as a friend, you be willing to do it.
2. A friend is devoted (crazy loyal) to you.
That’s what I mean when I say devoted. Crazy loyal. We use the word “loyal” a lot, but I don’t think we really understand what it means because to be loyal means that you are willing to change your plans to meet the needs of the person you’re loyal to. A friend that is loyal says, “I will lay my interests down so that I can provide the comfort and support that’s needed for the one that’s going through something.” Loyalty is a big word. It just can’t be demonstrated by you saying, “I’m loyal.” It’s demonstrated by the decisions you make and by your willingness to rearrange your plans in order to meet the needs of the people you’re loyal to.
Job 6:14 - To him who is about to faint and despair, kindness is due from his friend, lest he forsake the fear of the Almighty.
The fear of the Lord is to respect God with the willingness to obey. It’s amazing here when He says that when you have a friend that is about to faint and go into despair, that “kindness” is due from you, as a friend. Kindness is due from you as a friend to that person and when you show kindness, you show honor and respect to God.
My relationship with God is based on my relationship with you, my friend. I can’t say that I love God, in whom I’ve never seen, and say I don’t love you, my brother or sister, in whom I see every day or every week. And neither can you!
When you have somebody that you’re in a relationship with and they’re about to faint, kindness is now due from the person who’s the friend and if you don’t do this, you’re going against the fear of the Almighty. So, as a respect to God, as we operate in friendship, notice when your friends are about to faint; give up, cave in, or quit! Kindness is due when you see that! You can minister to God when you minister to your friend. When you show friendship to someone, you’re also showing it to God. That’s a powerful thing.
3. A friend loves you no matter the situation or what you’ve done.
People really don’t understand what real friendship is all about. It’s being there no matter what the situation and no matter what you have done. The very same standards you put on me and expect from me, as a friend, I expect from you. The very same thing you would expect from me and Christina, we expect from you. We’re not going to leave you. We don’t care what you’ve done, we’re not going to quit on you. We’re not going to leave. Jesus didn’t quit on me, I’m not quitting on you. The only thing all of us should quit doing is“shooting our wounded”. Most of the time when people fall is because they’re babies. That’s what babies do. Babies fall.
4. Friends speak constructively, not critically, even when it hurts.
The body of Christ has perfected phoniness. We’re surrounded by people who know how to be phony. The body needs some people who will look at each other, in the eyes, and be honest, not hurtful, but honest with each other. Be straight with each other and stop looking for someone who’s going to kiss you. Kisses are from an enemy.
Proverbs 27:6 - Faithful are the wounds of a friend, but the kisses of an enemy are lavish and deceitful.
Aren’t you tired of phony people? Aren’t you ready to see some real genuine people who are for real and who don’t cover up their issues with “spirituality” and act all fake and spooky around you? Can't even get a decent "Hello, How are you doing?" It just doesn’t happen. We get greeted by someone at church saying, “Hey! Praise the Lord! This is the day that the Lord has made... Yay!"Meanwhile, they’re seething with unforgiveness. They’ve been carrying oughts for the last 20 years. The body needs people that can look you in the face and say,“Brother, I love you but here’s your problem. You’re a terrible husband and a hypocrite and here’s why.” Wow! That’s a friend. I might be wounded, but at the end of the day, I’m going to call you a friend.
Christina said to her friend the other day, “Y’know ‘Sally’, it really hurts me when you do ‘such and such’.” After Christina told her that, “Sally” thanked Christina for being courageous enough to risk wounding her. She thanked Christina for being her friend. A few hours passed, and Christina got a phone call. It was “Sally” thanking her again for being straight with her. It actually strengthened their friendship.
Things have to be rearranged a little bit. You’ve been angry at the wrong people. Those people that God sent to you to be a part of your life, you don’t want them because you’re so busy trying to protect your own position. Whatever that might be. You’re more comfortable hiding behind phonies and you’re not growing. Now, don’t get me wrong, I’m not saying that it’s ok for someone to constantly tell you what’s wrong with you and harp on matters and never shut up about it. I’m not saying it’s right for a “friend” to continually demean you, make you feel like you’re not worthy, that you’ll never change, and that never offers any hope whatsoever, no. That’s not what I mean. That kind of thing is just not called for and just plain wrong. Don’t be a doormat. I know this may seem harsh, but faithful are the wounds of a friend.
I have come to the conclusion that friendships will fail without Jesus as the center friend. In every friendship you have, make sure that Jesus is the center friend. Sometime when I'm on the phone with my friend, Keith, we are constantly aware of the fact that Jesus is on the extension being a major part of our friendship. He sometimes even lends His voice to the conversation. So, no matter what the relationship is; a marriage, a friendship, between the two of you, there’s Jesus and you have to have more loyalty to Him and keeping up with His standards than anyone else.
Selah!